MIC DROP PRICING
Speech-Writing Services by Christopher Shelley of Illuminating Ceremonies
718.222.0110 * christopherfrostshelley@gmail.com * www.illuminatingceremonies.com
Reception Speech-Writing Assistance for Best Men, Maids of Honor and Parents
EDIT & PUNCH-UP:
I streamline what you’ve written so far and increase your JPM (jokes per minute), (that is, if you are aiming for comedy!) I balance out the funny stuff and beautiful stuff to keep it as dignified as your wedding attire.
ZEN MONK LEVEL: 7+ Days Until the Wedding: $39
No problem, plenty of time, you are the kind of person who is organized and ahead of schedule. Zen monks reach out to you for meditative advice. You are cool as a TV studio, cool as an ice bucket, cool as a meat locker. Doctors prescribe you instead of blood pressure medication.
OMINOUS CLOUDS LEVEL: 3-6 Days Until the Wedding: $59
The wedding is THIS week? Jeez, I have got to pay more attention to my Google calendar. Okay, okay, okay. I can do this. I’ve got a full schedule, when am I going to work on a speech??? Calm down. I’ve know this person for years ever since we went to (High School/college/prison) together. It’ll be a breeze, right? Oy vey: If I wait any longer it’ll get worse.
TREMBLING CHIHUAHUA LEVEL: 1-2 Days Until the Wedding: $99
Oh my God it got worse. Holy $)&)(^%+. Things just got real. What am I going to do? The wedding is almost here. Why does the world hate me? What have I done? Very little, that’s what. Okay, okay, okay. Where is that MIC DROP guy? He said his brain is like a circus run by hyper monkeys in tuxedos. I guess that’s…good? I hope he’s awake.
The Wedding is Tonight: You are screwed. Book a one-way ticket to Peru.
Create & PUNCH-UP:
You have no idea where to begin and have not written anything. I gather information from you using a questionnaire, then spin the information you give me into a speech. Together, we edit it so you are comfortable with the words, punching-up the speech as we go to increase JPM, and balancing out jokes with heartfelt material to keep it dignified and make you popular.
I receive your questionnaire responses 14+ Days Until the Wedding: $129
I receive your questionnaire responses 7-13 Days Until the Wedding: $159
I receive your questionnaire responses 1-6 Days Until the Wedding: $179
EDIT & PUNCH-UP:
I streamline what you’ve written so far and increase your JPM (jokes per minute), (that is, if you are aiming for comedy!) I balance out the funny stuff and beautiful stuff to keep it as dignified as your wedding attire.
ZEN MONK LEVEL: 7+ Days Until the Wedding: $39
No problem, plenty of time, you are the kind of person who is organized and ahead of schedule. Zen monks reach out to you for meditative advice. You are cool as a TV studio, cool as an ice bucket, cool as a meat locker. Doctors prescribe you instead of blood pressure medication.
OMINOUS CLOUDS LEVEL: 3-6 Days Until the Wedding: $59
The wedding is THIS week? Jeez, I have got to pay more attention to my Google calendar. Okay, okay, okay. I can do this. I’ve got a full schedule, when am I going to work on a speech??? Calm down. I’ve know this person for years ever since we went to (High School/college/prison) together. It’ll be a breeze, right? Oy vey: If I wait any longer it’ll get worse.
TREMBLING CHIHUAHUA LEVEL: 1-2 Days Until the Wedding: $99
Oh my God it got worse. Holy $)&)(^%+. Things just got real. What am I going to do? The wedding is almost here. Why does the world hate me? What have I done? Very little, that’s what. Okay, okay, okay. Where is that MIC DROP guy? He said his brain is like a circus run by hyper monkeys in tuxedos. I guess that’s…good? I hope he’s awake.
The Wedding is Tonight: You are screwed. Book a one-way ticket to Peru.
Create & PUNCH-UP:
You have no idea where to begin and have not written anything. I gather information from you using a questionnaire, then spin the information you give me into a speech. Together, we edit it so you are comfortable with the words, punching-up the speech as we go to increase JPM, and balancing out jokes with heartfelt material to keep it dignified and make you popular.
I receive your questionnaire responses 14+ Days Until the Wedding: $129
I receive your questionnaire responses 7-13 Days Until the Wedding: $159
I receive your questionnaire responses 1-6 Days Until the Wedding: $179