MIC DROP PRICING
Speech-Writing Services by Christopher Shelley of Illuminating Ceremonies
718.222.0110 * christopherfrostshelley@gmail.com * www.illuminatingceremonies.com
Reception Speech-Writing Assistance for Best Men, Maids of Honor and Parents
EDIT & PUNCH-UP:
I streamline what you’ve written so far and increase your JPM (jokes per minute), (that is, if you are aiming for comedy!) I balance out the funny stuff and beautiful stuff to keep it as dignified as your wedding attire.
ZEN MONK LEVEL: 7+ Days Until the Wedding: $150
No problem, plenty of time, you are the kind of person who is organized and ahead of schedule. Zen monks reach out to you for meditative advice. You are cool as a TV studio, cool as an ice bucket, cool as a meat locker. Doctors prescribe you instead of blood pressure medication.
OMINOUS CLOUDS LEVEL: 3-6 Days Until the Wedding: $200
The wedding is THIS week? Jeez, I have got to pay more attention to my Google calendar. Okay, okay, okay. I can do this. I’ve got a full schedule, when am I going to work on a speech??? Calm down. I’ve know this person for years ever since we went to (High School/college/prison) together. It’ll be a breeze, right? Oy vey: If I wait any longer it’ll get worse.
TREMBLING CHIHUAHUA LEVEL: 1-2 Days Until the Wedding: $300
Oh my God it got worse. Holy $)&)(^%+. Things just got real. What am I going to do? The wedding is almost here. Why does the world hate me? What have I done? Very little, that’s what. Okay, okay, okay. Where is that MIC DROP guy? He said his brain is like a circus run by hyper monkeys in tuxedos. I guess that’s…good? I hope he’s awake.
The Wedding is Tonight: You are screwed. Book a one-way ticket to Peru.
Create & PUNCH-UP:
You have no idea where to begin and have not written anything. I gather information from you using a questionnaire, then spin the information you give me into a speech. Together, we edit it so you are comfortable with the words, punching-up the speech as we go to increase JPM, and balancing out jokes with heartfelt material to keep it dignified and make you popular.
I receive your questionnaire responses 14+ Days Until the Wedding: $175
I receive your questionnaire responses 7-13 Days Until the Wedding: $250
I receive your questionnaire responses 1-6 Days Until the Wedding: $500
EDIT & PUNCH-UP:
I streamline what you’ve written so far and increase your JPM (jokes per minute), (that is, if you are aiming for comedy!) I balance out the funny stuff and beautiful stuff to keep it as dignified as your wedding attire.
ZEN MONK LEVEL: 7+ Days Until the Wedding: $150
No problem, plenty of time, you are the kind of person who is organized and ahead of schedule. Zen monks reach out to you for meditative advice. You are cool as a TV studio, cool as an ice bucket, cool as a meat locker. Doctors prescribe you instead of blood pressure medication.
OMINOUS CLOUDS LEVEL: 3-6 Days Until the Wedding: $200
The wedding is THIS week? Jeez, I have got to pay more attention to my Google calendar. Okay, okay, okay. I can do this. I’ve got a full schedule, when am I going to work on a speech??? Calm down. I’ve know this person for years ever since we went to (High School/college/prison) together. It’ll be a breeze, right? Oy vey: If I wait any longer it’ll get worse.
TREMBLING CHIHUAHUA LEVEL: 1-2 Days Until the Wedding: $300
Oh my God it got worse. Holy $)&)(^%+. Things just got real. What am I going to do? The wedding is almost here. Why does the world hate me? What have I done? Very little, that’s what. Okay, okay, okay. Where is that MIC DROP guy? He said his brain is like a circus run by hyper monkeys in tuxedos. I guess that’s…good? I hope he’s awake.
The Wedding is Tonight: You are screwed. Book a one-way ticket to Peru.
Create & PUNCH-UP:
You have no idea where to begin and have not written anything. I gather information from you using a questionnaire, then spin the information you give me into a speech. Together, we edit it so you are comfortable with the words, punching-up the speech as we go to increase JPM, and balancing out jokes with heartfelt material to keep it dignified and make you popular.
I receive your questionnaire responses 14+ Days Until the Wedding: $175
I receive your questionnaire responses 7-13 Days Until the Wedding: $250
I receive your questionnaire responses 1-6 Days Until the Wedding: $500