How many hours of preparation do you do for a wedding ceremony?
I’m so glad you asked. The assumption is that officiants just show up, do their twenty minutes and that’s it. People have no idea how many hours go into getting to know a couple, finding the right words to say about them, editing, rehearsing delivery, re-writing, keeping the flow going, managing the different moods you want to hit. I’d say each couple gets 20 hours of prep, easily. And then there's the wedding day - another 2-3 hours plus travel time.
How long do you stay after the wedding?
I’m usually with the couple until the 3rd day of the honeymoon, then things get awkward.
Kidding! I leave on the 2nd day of the honeymoon.
Kidding! I stay for part of cocktail hour, then I make an Irish exit.
Which do you think is better for the ceremony, a live musician or a DJ?
I love them both in different ways. In my book I said I prefer live music, but that made a DJ friend of mine upset. My updated stance is that they are both integral to a good ceremony. Let’s compromise and say that I prefer a Live DJ who can play an instrument.
What is your secret weapon as an officiant?
Top-notch Classical Voice and Speech training and years of performing plays with no microphone. If a microphone conks out, I can still project really well. Also, indefatigable charm. And perfect timing. And humbleness, whatever that is.
Are you married?
Yup! 21 years, in a row, to the same person. I am actually a married person who can speak from experience about being married in an awesome and positive way. I am a marriage enthusiast, and I'm interested in speaking, in a non-therapy-type way, with couples who are struggling with their relationships. A marriage can be so incredibly empowering for the couple's lives, and people in healthy marriages can in turn help other people be happier etc. It is possible to have long-lasting love, to continue learning how to be a better person for years and years, to have the confidence you can only get when another human being says hey, you're worth my whole life, I am giving my whole life to you and I know you're giving your whole life to me. It is really powerful and I'd like to get onto big stages to talk about this. (Hint-hint, any decision makers at big conferences!)
What’s your favorite part about your job?
I love so many things about this job but my favorite is the look of relief on the couple’s face when we’re starting the ceremony and things are already going really well.
I love getting compliments during cocktail hour.
I love traveling to beautiful mansions and venues that I would otherwise never go to.
I love free shrimp.
I love making a stressful day fun for my couples.
I love writing and performing, fine-tuning the timing, reading the room, controlling the reactions of a crowd of people.
I love the behind-the-scene moments, before and after a ceremony, with the couple and wedding party, the stuff the guests never get to see.
I love speaking at big industry events like Wedding MBA in Las Vegas, speaking to other officiants, getting inspiration from other wedding pros.
I love people starting the most exciting adventure of their lives.
I love thinking wow, I’ve been doing this a long time – I’ve seen so many different groups of wedding guests, crowds, families, settings. It’s been a wild ride.
Are people spending too much money on weddings?
Yes.
Also, I need people to keep spending too much money on weddings.
Specifically, they need to spend more money on wedding officiants.
What would be your ideal fee for a wedding?
I’d love to get $5,000 per wedding because it's good money and easy math. A more realistic and fair fee, comparing to other vendors, would be $2,000. Will I ever get this on a regular basis? Maybe. Have I been paid $2,000 or more for a wedding? Yes.
What do I usually get paid for a wedding?
That's a very different question. Depending on travel, usually $900 - $1100. On an annual basis, does that put me on a level with the yearly salary of substitute teachers? If I'm lucky. Does that make me jealous of the other vendors who make so much more money that I do? You betcha. Sometimes I walk into a venue, take one look at the flower display and think, 'they spent more on flowers than on me.'
How many degrees do you have?
I have several, because I’m very, very smart. I have a BFA in Acting from Boston University, an MFA in Creative Writing (Fiction) from New York University. Okay that’s only two, but they each took several years to earn.
Who are the most famous people you’ve ever met?
I was the Emcee for a memorial service for Joan Rivers’ dog on Joan and Melissa: Joan Knows Best.
I met Regis Philbin on the set of The Rachael Ray Show.
Know who else I met on the set of The Rachael Ray Show? Rachael Ray. Four years in a row, I wrote and officiated weddings for their Valentine’s Day wedding show. She just calls it ‘her show.’
I met most of the members of the band R.E.M., twice. The first time, in 1992, I worked at an ice-skating rink in Manhattan, and their record company bought the place out for one night to celebrate some guy’s engagement. Mike Mills, Peter Buck and Bill Berry showed up and I helped Peter Buck skate. In 1995, their manager Bertis Downs invited me to a backstage party after one of their MSG concerts, so once again I hung out with Mike Mills. I’ve never met Michael Stipe. I keep in touch with Bertis on Facebook.
What are your pet peeves with weddings?
At the risk of sounding like a grumpy old grizzly veteran of many weddings, I do have a few.
Being asked if I would be able to step aside before the couple kisses at the end – this is officiating 101, and when people ask it feels like they’re asking me if I’ve ever done a wedding before. Of course I’ll get out of the way. I’m a professional.
Being asked about my "packages." It makes me feel like I’m a car salesman or travel agent. A better question is, what do I charge for a (your event - elopement vs. full ceremony).
People who reach out and just say something like, 'we'd like a quote.' Sometimes I can't resist, and I'll send them a famous quote by Ben Franklin or William Shakespeare or Dorothy Parker.
DJs only asking me ‘what’s the last thing you’ll say?’ I have cues at the beginning too, and who knows, I may have cues for you in the middle. Sometimes they ask this even before they say hello.
People getting their friends or family members to officiate. It's better that I don't get started on this topic.
Tough-guy venue employees at various cookie-cutter event spaces in New York and New Jersey who are aggressive about how the ceremony's going to be done – with no consideration for anything that might in any way be different than what they always do. These folks can be really condescending, but I don't say anything to them because they also seem like people who could cause me to wake up at the bottom of the Hudson River with cement blocks attached to my feet.
Are couples expected to tip you?
I have to be careful how I answer this question. On the one hand, tipping is optional but very appreciated. That's the company line for all wedding vendors. The world is very expensive, we all know that, and as far as I know, I already charge a fair price for my services. Okay. The truth is that about 95% of couples do tip me, so when a couple does not tip me, I wonder what I did wrong, did I offend them somehow, etc. The deeper truth, just speaking for all wedding vendors, is that if you don't tip us, we'll notice, but we'll have the grace not to say anything. Anyone who has ever waited tables or tended bars or parked cars or held doors open etc. get this. People who have worked in service industries always tip. People who haven't - mixed bag. People who have a dynamite wedding planner will be encouraged and reminded to tip their vendors.
I could have sworn I saw you on TV recently – could that be possible?
I sometimes do background work on TV shows that film in New York City. I’ve been on Law & Order, Law & Order: Organized Crime, Law & Order: SVU, FBI, And Just Like That, and Only Murders in the Building.
Who was your most influential acting teacher?
Jon Lipsky
Who was your most famous writing teacher?
E.L. Doctorow.
Who is your most famous friend?
Ben Rhodes. We attended the NYU Graduate Creative Writing Program together. He was a speechwriter for President Obama, then went on to be the Deputy National Security Advisor of the United States. He pops up as a talking head on politico shows. Smartest person I’ve ever known.
Do you have a literary agent?
Yes.
Have you ever had a book published?
Yes! Best Ceremony Ever, published by W.W. Norton.
What accents can you do?
English, Cockney, Australian, Irish, Scottish, Southern, Russian, Indian. French. I can do some of the really well, and others...
What are your thoughts on having good SEO for a website?
Obviously, to be a popular wedding officiant near me, it's important to be a quality officiant who is located in New York City or in Cincinnati or in whatever city is near you or that you are in. If the internet can't pick up on who you are as a professional wedding officiant celebrant vows good reviews, top-ranked officiant non-religious experienced officiant man good reviews LGBTQ-friendly, it would behoove me to incorporate SEO-speak on my site somewhere, so that wedding venue preferred vendor list New York City and five boroughs wedding officiant will travel non-religious lighthearted near me affordable good reputation downtown Cincinnati Northern Kentucky Covington Newport can find me. Thankfully, I have friends who specialize in this sort of thing, so Texas wedding Massachusetts wedding Boston wedding, Cape Cod wedding, Connecticut wedding Virginia wedding, Arizona wedding best professional reliable experienced non-denominational non-religious educated acting school professional speaker crowd work read the room mature respectful officiant-seekers find me pretty easily.
What are your ambitions?
I’d love to be a professional stand-up comedian. I study comedians, I am so impressed with them as performers, storytellers and crowd-manipulators. (Nate Bargatze, Todd Barry, Taylor Tomlinson, Sarah Silverman, Sebastian Maniscalco, Kelsey Cook, Steven Wright are among my faves.) I’d love to tour the country doing stand-up, but I just can’t get myself to go take a class or dive in. I’d love to have a one man show that was mostly comedy but with an important, serious message too. My inspiration for this comes from the one-man shows by Mike Birbiglia. He’s incredible. His show The Old Man and the Pool is exactly the kind of thing I want to do some day. Weddings are a mix of humor and sentiment with an important message, so in a way I’m already living my dream. #winning
I’d also like to be an NYC Walking Tour Guide. I recently passed my NYC Sightseeing Guide exam, with 133 correct answers out of 150. If you'd like me to guide you around NYC while walking at the same time, please contact me and let's make this happen.
I used to want to be a writer for Colbert or Fallon. If I somehow had the opportunity to do this, I would in a heartbeat.
I’d love to do corporate speaking events where people can benefit from what I know about relationships. Do you know how much cheddar public speakers make??? Jeez. A LOT more than officiants, I can tell you.
I’m so glad you asked. The assumption is that officiants just show up, do their twenty minutes and that’s it. People have no idea how many hours go into getting to know a couple, finding the right words to say about them, editing, rehearsing delivery, re-writing, keeping the flow going, managing the different moods you want to hit. I’d say each couple gets 20 hours of prep, easily. And then there's the wedding day - another 2-3 hours plus travel time.
How long do you stay after the wedding?
I’m usually with the couple until the 3rd day of the honeymoon, then things get awkward.
Kidding! I leave on the 2nd day of the honeymoon.
Kidding! I stay for part of cocktail hour, then I make an Irish exit.
Which do you think is better for the ceremony, a live musician or a DJ?
I love them both in different ways. In my book I said I prefer live music, but that made a DJ friend of mine upset. My updated stance is that they are both integral to a good ceremony. Let’s compromise and say that I prefer a Live DJ who can play an instrument.
What is your secret weapon as an officiant?
Top-notch Classical Voice and Speech training and years of performing plays with no microphone. If a microphone conks out, I can still project really well. Also, indefatigable charm. And perfect timing. And humbleness, whatever that is.
Are you married?
Yup! 21 years, in a row, to the same person. I am actually a married person who can speak from experience about being married in an awesome and positive way. I am a marriage enthusiast, and I'm interested in speaking, in a non-therapy-type way, with couples who are struggling with their relationships. A marriage can be so incredibly empowering for the couple's lives, and people in healthy marriages can in turn help other people be happier etc. It is possible to have long-lasting love, to continue learning how to be a better person for years and years, to have the confidence you can only get when another human being says hey, you're worth my whole life, I am giving my whole life to you and I know you're giving your whole life to me. It is really powerful and I'd like to get onto big stages to talk about this. (Hint-hint, any decision makers at big conferences!)
What’s your favorite part about your job?
I love so many things about this job but my favorite is the look of relief on the couple’s face when we’re starting the ceremony and things are already going really well.
I love getting compliments during cocktail hour.
I love traveling to beautiful mansions and venues that I would otherwise never go to.
I love free shrimp.
I love making a stressful day fun for my couples.
I love writing and performing, fine-tuning the timing, reading the room, controlling the reactions of a crowd of people.
I love the behind-the-scene moments, before and after a ceremony, with the couple and wedding party, the stuff the guests never get to see.
I love speaking at big industry events like Wedding MBA in Las Vegas, speaking to other officiants, getting inspiration from other wedding pros.
I love people starting the most exciting adventure of their lives.
I love thinking wow, I’ve been doing this a long time – I’ve seen so many different groups of wedding guests, crowds, families, settings. It’s been a wild ride.
Are people spending too much money on weddings?
Yes.
Also, I need people to keep spending too much money on weddings.
Specifically, they need to spend more money on wedding officiants.
What would be your ideal fee for a wedding?
I’d love to get $5,000 per wedding because it's good money and easy math. A more realistic and fair fee, comparing to other vendors, would be $2,000. Will I ever get this on a regular basis? Maybe. Have I been paid $2,000 or more for a wedding? Yes.
What do I usually get paid for a wedding?
That's a very different question. Depending on travel, usually $900 - $1100. On an annual basis, does that put me on a level with the yearly salary of substitute teachers? If I'm lucky. Does that make me jealous of the other vendors who make so much more money that I do? You betcha. Sometimes I walk into a venue, take one look at the flower display and think, 'they spent more on flowers than on me.'
How many degrees do you have?
I have several, because I’m very, very smart. I have a BFA in Acting from Boston University, an MFA in Creative Writing (Fiction) from New York University. Okay that’s only two, but they each took several years to earn.
Who are the most famous people you’ve ever met?
I was the Emcee for a memorial service for Joan Rivers’ dog on Joan and Melissa: Joan Knows Best.
I met Regis Philbin on the set of The Rachael Ray Show.
Know who else I met on the set of The Rachael Ray Show? Rachael Ray. Four years in a row, I wrote and officiated weddings for their Valentine’s Day wedding show. She just calls it ‘her show.’
I met most of the members of the band R.E.M., twice. The first time, in 1992, I worked at an ice-skating rink in Manhattan, and their record company bought the place out for one night to celebrate some guy’s engagement. Mike Mills, Peter Buck and Bill Berry showed up and I helped Peter Buck skate. In 1995, their manager Bertis Downs invited me to a backstage party after one of their MSG concerts, so once again I hung out with Mike Mills. I’ve never met Michael Stipe. I keep in touch with Bertis on Facebook.
What are your pet peeves with weddings?
At the risk of sounding like a grumpy old grizzly veteran of many weddings, I do have a few.
Being asked if I would be able to step aside before the couple kisses at the end – this is officiating 101, and when people ask it feels like they’re asking me if I’ve ever done a wedding before. Of course I’ll get out of the way. I’m a professional.
Being asked about my "packages." It makes me feel like I’m a car salesman or travel agent. A better question is, what do I charge for a (your event - elopement vs. full ceremony).
People who reach out and just say something like, 'we'd like a quote.' Sometimes I can't resist, and I'll send them a famous quote by Ben Franklin or William Shakespeare or Dorothy Parker.
DJs only asking me ‘what’s the last thing you’ll say?’ I have cues at the beginning too, and who knows, I may have cues for you in the middle. Sometimes they ask this even before they say hello.
People getting their friends or family members to officiate. It's better that I don't get started on this topic.
Tough-guy venue employees at various cookie-cutter event spaces in New York and New Jersey who are aggressive about how the ceremony's going to be done – with no consideration for anything that might in any way be different than what they always do. These folks can be really condescending, but I don't say anything to them because they also seem like people who could cause me to wake up at the bottom of the Hudson River with cement blocks attached to my feet.
Are couples expected to tip you?
I have to be careful how I answer this question. On the one hand, tipping is optional but very appreciated. That's the company line for all wedding vendors. The world is very expensive, we all know that, and as far as I know, I already charge a fair price for my services. Okay. The truth is that about 95% of couples do tip me, so when a couple does not tip me, I wonder what I did wrong, did I offend them somehow, etc. The deeper truth, just speaking for all wedding vendors, is that if you don't tip us, we'll notice, but we'll have the grace not to say anything. Anyone who has ever waited tables or tended bars or parked cars or held doors open etc. get this. People who have worked in service industries always tip. People who haven't - mixed bag. People who have a dynamite wedding planner will be encouraged and reminded to tip their vendors.
I could have sworn I saw you on TV recently – could that be possible?
I sometimes do background work on TV shows that film in New York City. I’ve been on Law & Order, Law & Order: Organized Crime, Law & Order: SVU, FBI, And Just Like That, and Only Murders in the Building.
Who was your most influential acting teacher?
Jon Lipsky
Who was your most famous writing teacher?
E.L. Doctorow.
Who is your most famous friend?
Ben Rhodes. We attended the NYU Graduate Creative Writing Program together. He was a speechwriter for President Obama, then went on to be the Deputy National Security Advisor of the United States. He pops up as a talking head on politico shows. Smartest person I’ve ever known.
Do you have a literary agent?
Yes.
Have you ever had a book published?
Yes! Best Ceremony Ever, published by W.W. Norton.
What accents can you do?
English, Cockney, Australian, Irish, Scottish, Southern, Russian, Indian. French. I can do some of the really well, and others...
What are your thoughts on having good SEO for a website?
Obviously, to be a popular wedding officiant near me, it's important to be a quality officiant who is located in New York City or in Cincinnati or in whatever city is near you or that you are in. If the internet can't pick up on who you are as a professional wedding officiant celebrant vows good reviews, top-ranked officiant non-religious experienced officiant man good reviews LGBTQ-friendly, it would behoove me to incorporate SEO-speak on my site somewhere, so that wedding venue preferred vendor list New York City and five boroughs wedding officiant will travel non-religious lighthearted near me affordable good reputation downtown Cincinnati Northern Kentucky Covington Newport can find me. Thankfully, I have friends who specialize in this sort of thing, so Texas wedding Massachusetts wedding Boston wedding, Cape Cod wedding, Connecticut wedding Virginia wedding, Arizona wedding best professional reliable experienced non-denominational non-religious educated acting school professional speaker crowd work read the room mature respectful officiant-seekers find me pretty easily.
What are your ambitions?
I’d love to be a professional stand-up comedian. I study comedians, I am so impressed with them as performers, storytellers and crowd-manipulators. (Nate Bargatze, Todd Barry, Taylor Tomlinson, Sarah Silverman, Sebastian Maniscalco, Kelsey Cook, Steven Wright are among my faves.) I’d love to tour the country doing stand-up, but I just can’t get myself to go take a class or dive in. I’d love to have a one man show that was mostly comedy but with an important, serious message too. My inspiration for this comes from the one-man shows by Mike Birbiglia. He’s incredible. His show The Old Man and the Pool is exactly the kind of thing I want to do some day. Weddings are a mix of humor and sentiment with an important message, so in a way I’m already living my dream. #winning
I’d also like to be an NYC Walking Tour Guide. I recently passed my NYC Sightseeing Guide exam, with 133 correct answers out of 150. If you'd like me to guide you around NYC while walking at the same time, please contact me and let's make this happen.
I used to want to be a writer for Colbert or Fallon. If I somehow had the opportunity to do this, I would in a heartbeat.
I’d love to do corporate speaking events where people can benefit from what I know about relationships. Do you know how much cheddar public speakers make??? Jeez. A LOT more than officiants, I can tell you.